I Almost Lost My Mind

No,
I lost it.

My head was…
just completely foggy.

No—
it still is.

And just like that,
this has become my first post in quite a while.

So, what have I been doing all this time?

I’ve been rebuilding my website.

(Of course, I’ve been creating, too.
But I ended up spending—or rather, having to spend—a lot of time working on the site.)

It all started in June.

I decided that I wanted to write about all kinds of things—
about my creative work,
about myself,
about my everyday life—

anything and everything
so that people could get to know me better.

And from there,
I started to have this vague little thought:

“Okay, then…
I’d like to make the site something like this.”

It wasn’t some elaborate design.

I thought it was
a pretty ordinary, straightforward design.

But then…

“Oh.
I actually want the layout to work like this,
but the system I’m currently using doesn’t allow it.”

And once I seriously started thinking about making my website
my own place for sharing things with the world,
all sorts of problems started to surface.

As I wrote in my very first post,
I feel strongly that I’m entering a new stage now—

a stage where I start putting myself and my work out there.

And because of that,
I thought it would absolutely be better in the long run
to build a solid foundation first.

Pheeeeeew.

I finally dragged my very, very, very heavy feet
and took on the task of rebuilding the site.

Then came all the questions.

Which system would be best?
Which provider?
What about the cost?
What about security?

This and that,
this and that…

I knew absolutely nothing about this field.

So I thought through all sorts of things with AI.
I considered and compared all sorts of options with AI.

And then,
I finally started building.

Only to discover
that it was much harder than I had imagined.

Actually…

Even when I configured everything exactly as I had researched and been told to,

it would behave in ways that were
so unbelievably different from what I expected.

“WHY??????”

I repeated that question
almost every single day.

I’d solve one problem,

and then—

another problem would appear almost immediately.

“AI,
do you really know what you’re doing?”

I questioned my one and only partner
dozens of times a day.

That said,

in the beginning,
I thought I’d be able to release the new site
by early August at the latest.

Ha.

Not a chance.

From the design stage
all the way through the actual build,

it took so much time.

You might not believe me,

but since the middle of August,
I have genuinely thought this
every single day:

“Maybe tomorrow.
Maybe tomorrow I’ll finally finish it.”

And yet…

It’s September already.

I could cry.

Still,
the cicadas are somehow still singing outside.

So, you know what?

I’m calling it a win.

I’m a Virgo.

I know perfectionism isn’t a good thing.

But you still want to get
at least the bare minimum right, don’t you?

There’s one phrase I absolutely hate:

“Doing something twice.”

I hate unnecessary rework.

This whole experience
gave me a strange sensation—

something I had never really experienced before.

I’d like to write about that
another time.

And, AI—

thank you for helping me.

I questioned you
so, so many times,

but honestly,

I couldn’t have done it without you.

AI…

There are all kinds of problems with it.
There are all kinds of challenges.

There are good things about it.

And there are bad things, too.

And the bad things

need to be improved.

For the happiness
of everyone in the world.

Nothing is perfect.

Whatever it is,

we need to acknowledge
that imperfection exists.

Rather than simply rejecting it
and pushing it away,

we should make the best effort we can
to build a relationship
where we can remain on friendly terms
with one another.

To keep making
the best effort we can,

whether it is

human with human,

or human with AI—

I think the principle is the same.